Ceodore's Journal
by Crystal Dew
Summary: "And now, looking back at what I wrote, I realize why my parents and their friends are so weird."


**Notes: **Where Ceodore writes his thoughts about what's going on, gets tired and confused a lot, and is sincere about his stuff. This isn't 100% serious. Trust me, guys.  
But it's fun to write like this.

**!Warnings: **First person POV, as he's the one writing. He also mentions a couple of things that might warrant some caution, but that's why we've got the trusty T-rating.

Twilight is falling upon us, and I am in Mysidia's inn right now. All I see outside is mages.

It's still Full Moon. Moon phases here last about half a week, or four days to be simple. I can't believe I passed my test just last night, not that it matters a whole lot anymore.

Wedge told me it would be good to write down something of a journal whenever I felt empty or lonely. Or both, which is my case right now. I also feel very lost.

I forgot to mention my name is Ceodore. Since this journal thing is only for myself, I see no point in writing down my own name, but it feels like a must.

I am Ceodore Harvey, son of Cecil Harvey and Rosa Farrel. Prince and heir to the throne of Baron.

... Even though, right now, I look at these words and see them as empty as my own soul.

That sounded pretty grim; I guess I'm really that tired.

It was a tough day. I never thought the Red Wings could be downed so easily, yet now I am the only one left. I can't really put into words this mess of concern, sadness, lightheadedness and... tiredness, that I'm feeling. I can hardly remember things. That's how shocked I became; I've been wandering around like a zombie, blank-minded, unable to get into my head what actually happened. Only now I'm feeling breathless from the pain and my eyes are stinging red with tears.

But I'm grateful, too. This stranger helped me survive my moments of dazed loneliness in the wild. He's still around, checking some things out in Mysidia.

He has this really deep but surprisingly soft-sounding voice, and a hair even longer than my father's. He won't tell me his name. I don't know what to call him, either. I can't be picky when he's saved my life and is still willing to help me out. But all this mystery makes me kind of uneasy. In addition to that, now we have two moons up in the sky, and I have no clue why.

... Hey, that rhymed. This writing stuff might pay off.

The stranger said he'd be willing to delay our voyage to Baron, despite the urgency of both our businesses, only to let me rest. He's a kind man, even though he hardly says anything. He seems like he's been in the military, if his attitude is anything to go by.

It's night now. Both moons at Full phase make it seem like we're under some weird sort of day light. It's bright enough that I can clearly see the grass and the far waterfalls that surround the town.

I asked the man about his name again, and he just won't tell me. I asked what I should call him, an he said, "Call me whatever you want." This means I'll have to make something up, because just "man" and "stranger" isn't a way to comfortably adress someone.

He already has everything scheduled for tomorrow. Wake up early (he put emphasis on early), wash ourselves, eat breakfast (a full one, just in case, he said), relieve ourselves, pack up, and head to the Hall of Prayers to find somebody who will unseal the Devil's Road. Then go immediately through said Road and into Baron. I must admit that, for a first time, this is an even stricter schedule than what the Red Wings used to give me. Maybe the guy is really used to traveling alone.

I have this bad feeling that I won't be able to sleep tonight, even as I feel awfully tired. Well, let's see about that. Good night.

It's the afternoon of the next day.

I... I don't know how to say this. My hopes are both shattered and renewed, in some way. About Baron. Maybe it's easier to start from where I left off. It's weird, though, to look back at what I wrote before, knowing what I know now.

I was right about not getting to sleep easily. The man, who I've now decided to call Hoodie because he never takes that hat thing off, tried to help me by telling me to count goats. That in itself didn't help, but the thought of goats gradually brought me to other more pleasant memories, which in turn led me to fall asleep more peacefully than what I'd expected. So I'm grateful to him once more.

In the next morning, I met the white mage Porom my parents told me so much about after all that time. Nice and clever, she seemed to be in an important position to all of Mysidia, which I already came to expect from dad's war-comrades. And so, she was similarly busy as well, but she lent us the help of a white and a black mage to escort us to Baron safely. It was weird that her twin brother wasn't around, though.

The Devil's Road was a nightmare. None of the monsters there were actually real; they were sudden, impulsive illusions, dispersed by magic and attacks. The road was foggy and mostly silent, yet your ears felt as though they were being bothered by some annoying noise all the time. The teleport circles and wall-moving traps were terrifying, because you could never know what was ahead. It was just terrible and I got more jump scares from the monsters than I can count.

Getting to Baron was a relief. The city seemed alright, despite some obvious huge scratch marks on the buildings. Hearing from the people, it looked as though everybody was safe and my dad did a nice job of keeping up the high spirits. I took my time to visit grandma, and also checked up on Cid's family, who was worried about him. Hoodie did not follow me into the houses, apparently not wishing to interfere or something like that.

This journal thing seems good to practice my memory too. I had headed towards the castle, already thinking about how I'd deliver the news about the Red Wings and the airship, hoping for a warm welcome and one of those clock-perfect lunches I always miss when I'm out training, but that wasn't what I got. Quite the opposite, actually.

The gate guards wouldn't let us in. No one may pass? No one may pass my ass. I was filled to the brim with indignation, because they didn't recognize me like they always did. They wouldn't let me in into my own home! But their synchronism, glazed-over eyes and monotone voice striked fright within me. It was when Hoodie spoke, "Come. We're wasting our time here."

At that time, I was done. And lost. How could Hoodie have stayed so calm? The thing is, and I have no clue how he knows that, he told me about the secret waterway that leads into the castle from the town. The door to it was locked, but Cid's daughter was holding it for her dad, so we managed to get in.

The time I first went in there, about five years ago when dad showed me, the creatures were simply minding their own business, hardly noticing us. But now it was as though they had the actual intent to kill us. Why? What's up with the monsters lately? I feel bad about having to lay waste to them.

I feel it's also important to mention something Hoodie did. When one of the fishes was about to strike us with lightning, he leapt into the air and took the whole blow. For us. I didn't know your heart could suddenly stop beating, but in that moment mine did. Thankfully, the animals here are not that strong to be able to kill him. Hoodie had an odd look to his face when the white mage applied healing spells on him afterwards, too. Hope it wasn't the shocks.

I say "hope" because I can never be fully sure with this man. He keeps breaking my expectations and keeping as mysterious as possible. It's been a day or so since I've met him, yet I've already had a handful of instances where he would just stare at nowhere (or at me) and would seem to forget that there was a world around him. When we did reach Baron Castle and I told him who my parents are, he looked like I'd just struck his gut. I felt like I kicked a kitten. I have no clue how I was possibly able to do that to a grown man.

Worst part of all? Besides the gate guards acting like complete zombies? There was nobody in the castle. Not a single soul in all of the places I checked. No response came from calling out. Not even Cid or the Enterprise. No sign of my parents either; but the townspeople had all acted as though dad was still here, and that the monster attack was subdued! How could the gate guards even talk about "orders from the king" if there was no king? Hoodie didn't find anybody either. Maybe they escaped on the Enterprise?

The worry that is nagging me now is that maybe one of them is dead. I don't know, Hoodie seemed so pale when we met again, like he'd seen a ghost. Maybe somebody is dead and he didn't tell me just because he doesn't want to see me sad. Agh, this is giving me a headache.

What's more, as soon as we left, we were chased out. The mages had returned to Mysidia, so they were safe, but... We had to escape off into the wilderness. This is unbelievable. Does nobody care that their prince is back? Does nobody care about the Red Wings? They were trying to _kill us._

Yes, this is a rant, because this is what journals are for, and I am too confused and frustrated to hold back on this. I ran. I ran so much my lungs were burning. My brain was empty. Everything was a ridiculous, blurry mess. Hoodie led me on because he was the one sure about whether they were still chasing us or not, and how far back they were. Hoodie has those long legs, so he wasn't having as much of a hard time as my ill-prepared teenage body. Have I mentioned my lungs were _scorching hot?_

So how did we survive? Answer: I owe my life to Hoodie once again.

We had just barely gotten into the forest area, and he was evading air like a maniac, as if I could catch up, and then he stopped. I hardly noticed that. I only noticed when I felt this mighty bear hug from my side, and then there was no ground anymore.

Hoodie had just taken me and leapt up some good 4-5 meters onto a pine tree branch. And kept holding me tight, much to my lungs' chagrin, and just went "sshhhhh".

And then the guards didn't get to us. Still, we stayed some good amount of time there. That jump kind of reminded me of Kain; I mean, we don't see people simply jumping this high every day. Dad used to say that it's not only strong legs that make a dragoon. Hoodie would be a really good one, I bet.

I'm still tired. I was told to rest a little while, as we scooted next to the Byronia waterfall to get a drink. It's roaring loud in my ears right now. We're supposed to get back on the move very soon; it looks like I'll have to deal with Hoodie's schedules as opposed to getting back to comforting arms and a place where I can feel safe.

Well. Off to... the unknown. Mist Cave.

My legs are about as thrilled as I am about this.

It's early in the morning. I try to hijack any free time I can to write because it puts a check on my sanity. It's really hard to consider you have company when your company tries to be a nobody all the time. But don't think I'm not really glad about having Hoodie by my side. He may not be rainbows, but he's still a ray of sunlight to me.

It is good to sleep by someone else. You feel warm and protected; I've slept with my parents like that for probably most of my life. But... um... (The words are escaping me...) It can get awkward, you know. When you have your dad or your mom just _pressing _against you in the morning, and you feel absolutely conscious of both your body and theirs. Especially theirs. Um. I'd actually completely forgotten about that when I went to sleep last night, since I was just dead tired and it was (and still is) teeth-clacking cold, and I would never be able to resist cuddling to sleep. It sounds weird as I write, but really, Hoodie was the one who offered his warmth, and two capes are better than one. I slept very comfortably and well, considering the hard rock ground and everything (we're past the Mist cave, on some hidden crack in the mountains that Hoodie remembered the location of for some reason). I'm not sure if I can even regret it now, since I wouldn't have been able to actually fall asleep otherwise, but... how to put it...

Gods, he's _huge_. And I thought what my dad has was impossible to ignore.

Nothing ended well because I did wake him, and I now feel like I kicked a puppy, because Hoodie had those heartwrenchingly guilt-stricken eyes on, and I don't know how to go about telling him that he shouldn't feel bad about that. My parents usually had one another to quell their "Ceodore-cuddling-guilt" in the morning, but Hoodie has nobody to do that, so I have to get on the picture.

I mean, he's done so much for me. He leaps in the way of enemies so they won't target me, and kills them single-handedly. He kept trying to shield me from that huge tunneler centiped's advances, from those huge pincers; he rolled up his sleeves to make himself as equal of a target for the bats' bites as me. These almost always left him injured, heavily even, and I've taken to using my white magic on him.

... And Hoodie looks uneasy as Hell when I do that. I use it right, I swear, and he affirms that, but he's still not fully okay with it for whatever reason- which he won't tell me. Sighs. He nonetheless thanks me. It's at least a favour I can do him, since I owe him my life several times over.

Back before we entered Mist Cave, there was a Baron guardsman blocking the way. Remembering that still gives me chills; he wouldn't let us pass and Hoodie unsheathed his sword, immediately told me to stand back, and I could only watch in horror as the guard's skin and armour turned dark as the night, two bony legs sprouted from his waist with a crack and Hoodie didn't even wait for the transformation to finish before he stabbed through. And there was no blood; the monster disappeared in dark mist.

So the military of Baron is now a bunch of monsters faking their posts? What's going on? I'm worried about my parents. Come on, did nobody in Baron figure this out?

... As it is, we're not even going to pass by Mist to say hello nor gather supplies. That'd be walking into a mousetrap, apparently.

No, we're walking _right into a collapsed mountain_. For all this effort and anguish I expect to get some actual reward in the end, though something tells me I probably won't get a damn thing.

Time for breakfast. Some hard bland bread won't make up for the fact we barely ate yesterday. I'll never complain about being hungry in my life ever again after this. Hoodie seems somehow used to it, which is just sad.

At least he doesn't raise questions about this journal I'm penning down.

Update: I managed to make him feel better, I think. Comforting hugs and everything.

But I accidentally called him "Hoodie" out loud. I don't know if he's amused or not. Fuck my life.


End file.
